Missing

I often wonder if, when we move, I will miss the snow.  I rant and rave about snow all the time but, once I don’t have it to mark a winter season anymore, will I miss it?  I might miss the occasional flurry that makes home cozy and decorates the world with its magical white blanket.  But what I WON’T miss is the Day After A Snow, which is what today is.  Today, my walk to work was harrying, to say the least, as the pavement is one big ice slick, sometimes with a little bit of snow on top.  I definitely won’t miss that.

Not knowing when we’re actually going to leave Colorado has been an emotional roller-coaster for almost a year now.  Our ultimate goal is to be relocated to New Orleans by May this year, at the latest, if we’re lucky and successful.  This means that last May, I started tentatively viewing all of the things and events that have made up the routine of our lives as Our Last One.  Our Last Rogue Picnic.  Our Last Normal CO Faire Season.  Our Last Mile-Hi Convention.  That sort of thing.  It sounds like a depressing way to live, and while it has been sad, it’s also been beneficial in two ways: it made me open my eyes and truly enjoy my Last Whatever instead of simply going through the motions of the annual routines, in some cases; it has also opened my eyes to things that I am truly tired of doing, too.  Which makes moving feel even more Right than it already has, since shaking-things-up keeps you out of a rut.

Of course, if we’re still in Colorado by May, or beyond, I will feel rather silly indeed.

There have been some sad moments already.  Our last day of Faire this past August was one.  And the largest by far was having our characters in Avistrum get written out of the live-show plots this past October.  That was really, really hard, but necessary.  We have spent so many years with that crew, and a lot of time with them working very hard on making the Tales from Avistrum films and telling stories.  A true family.  But it had to happen, and we’re still involved, and so we move forward and contribute in a new way, instead.  The internet is wonderful for that.

I suppose what this rather rambly writing is getting at is that, absolutely YES, there are things I am going to miss.  A lot.  But there are also things that I will not miss.  And new things on the horizon that I can’t wait to experience:

I will miss my closest friends very very much.  They will always be dear to me, no matter the distance.  I will not miss some old history.  I will also not miss the people that I’ve been nodding and smiling at and putting up with because they happen to be part of a particular organization that myself and my closest friends are affiliated with, however.   I look forward to meeting new people wherever I go.

I will miss the amazing creative projects that we have completed with our amazing creative family of friends.  It has felt very accomplished and rewarding, I have learned much from it, and I will always creatively contribute, albeit on a smaller scale, no matter the distance.  I will not miss never having time to pursue my own creative projects, though.  I look forward to pursuing those personal creative projects soon, after I’m settled into a slightly slower world.

I will miss the familiarity of my everyday routes and routines.  At the same time, in other ways, I will not miss my everyday routes and routines.  I look forward to new routes (new architecture to stare at, new corner stores to swing into, new people to pass by on the sidewalk) and routines, and what adventures they may hold.

I will miss the Colorado mountains, just as I still miss the New Mexican desert that was home prior to moving up here 12 years ago.  Nature is part and parcel of my base existence and belief, and I carry parts of various terrain inside of me, no matter where I go.  I will not miss the snow, and I will not miss never sharing our surrounding nature with my husband, due to his extreme sensitivity to high altitudes.  I look forward to swamps, and different trees and wildlife and having new plants to learn about, and being able to share them with my beloved because they are not 10,000 feet high.

I will miss.  I will not miss.  I look forward.

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